A Gent Shall Not Flash

Fair Reader,

I was sharing a bottle of fine Glenlivet with frequent commenter John Cocktosten at a dive bar in Murray Hill. For those of you not in the know, Murray Hill is a curious neighborhood in Manhattan, one where attractive Jewish girls who recently graduated big Universities prefer to live in hotel-like tenements with other recent graduates from big Universities (namely Michigan or Wisconsin). I have never lived in this area, have rarely dined or socialized in the area, but I will say this: if you are a single man who holds a decent job in the legal or the financial industries (or what remains of the latter one), I would suggest that you move to Murray Hill. Why? Because you will meet many, many attractive women in Burberry scarfs and questionable haircuts.

Which is essentially what Herr Cocktosten has done.

As we drank our scotches, he told me a story of a recent business trip to Brussels. While working on a deal there (he is a lawyer), he met a Flemish fox who asked him out on a date. He happily agreed, and within moments she was treating him like a monkey on a tree - he was the tree and she the monkey. The following day she arrived to his hotel room wearing an overcoat. She entered his room and removed the coat to reveal that she was wearing nothing but lingerie. You could imagine what followed. (he rushed to find her a dress to cover herself up... I jest) Of course, the lucky bastard told this tale with a churlish grin on his face.

"I was wondering how I should repay her," said John.

"What do you mean," I said.

"Well, I want to do something equally as sexy, as risque, to show her my appreciation."

This is where things get iffy. Personally, I love it when women go out on a sexual limb. Nearly five years ago I flew to London to visit my girlfriend at the time, and she picked me up at Heathrow wearing - you guessed it - an overcoat and little else. She was also still slightly drunk from the night before. Alcohol aside, upon discovering her daring scheme, we passed on the Heathrow Express for a cab back to her flat, where monkey-and-a-tree-shenanigans ensued.

But should a man ever do something similar? Would a lass appreciate a man wearing an overcoat and nothing else underneath? Considering most male flashers get thirteen years in Sing Sing for such actions speaks volumes on this complicated matter: It is far more acceptable for a woman to be sexually bold in public than it is for a man.

A woman takes the subway to her lover's flat while dressed in a daring outfit and all is dangerous, funny, and somewhat acceptable. A Gent walks around on a subway wearing a rain coat and a dong pouch underneath is unacceptable and calls for an instant tazering. I trust you see the difference.

What I told Cocktosten in reply was this: start going to the gym and aim for a six pack. Buy nice clothes that you would wear just for her. Groom yourself all over. Bathe. Perfume yourself in faraway scents. Work on your pecs. Wear provocative underwear. Just don't dress like a stalking flasher. A woman can do it and do so valiantly. A Gent does it and ends up looking like a scumbag.

If you are a lass and you find men in skimpy outfits to be sexually arousing, please leave a comment in my comment box or email me at edthegent@gmail.com. A good discussion on the matter is most welcome.

A good day to you all,

EtG